Let’s talk about forgiveness. This is a topic that many people struggle with, but it can also be a very misunderstood concept. Let’s get right into it. Basically, if there’s a need to forgive someone, that means that you feel you were wronged by that person in some way. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon and it happens to the best of us.
The first thing to be aware of is that each person is acting from the level of consciousness that they’re currently at; meaning you can’t expect a person who usually has negative energy to treat you like an enlightened guru would. As great as that would be, it’s just not realistic. My point is just to keep in mind that when a person treats you badly, their actions say a lot more about them than they do about you. The less you take personally, the better. We’ve all heard the saying: hurt people, hurt people.
Now I want to discuss holding grudges and how that relates to forgiveness. When we’re betrayed or hurt by another person, we sometimes tend to hold a grudge or harbor some type of negative energy towards our perpetrator. You may get angry every time you think about them or talk $hit about them to others at any chance you get. You may think or say things like “I’ll never forgive them for what they did.” While these actions may feel justified, you must stop to look closer at what you’re really doing and the vibe you’re sending out to the Universe.
When you “hold” negative thoughts or feelings about another person, YOU are where those thoughts and feelings live. You’re literally holding these energies in YOUR being, yet you expect that the other person will feel bad. That’s just not how it works. As the saying goes, it’s equivalent to you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. In many cases, this person doesn’t even know that you’re harboring negative feelings toward them. So who are you really hurting? This is a mindset that so many people get caught up in but looking at grudges in this way can do wonders for your own well-being. The energy you put out is what you get back in return.
Once you shift your awareness a little, you can see that forgiveness has nothing at all to do with the person who wronged you, and everything to do with raising your own vibration and setting yourself free. Holding onto anger and resentment brings you down, impacts your mood and takes up energy in your life that could be put to much better use. If you choose to forgive instead, you’re allowing yourself to drop the negative energy and your vibration can instantly rise.
I understand that forgiveness is a complicated subject, and many will say that it’s easier said than done. I’ve had my struggles with it too- trust me! I want to add that just because you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that you’re letting them off the hook, nor does it mean that what they did was OK. What it does mean is that you’re choosing not to punish yourself for someone else’s actions. Forgiveness is taking your power back. You’re the one who decides if you ever want to see or speak to that person again. It’s your choice.
Grudges can also surface as blame. This is a big one. I’ll give you an example: A child grew up in a household where they weren’t given love and support, so now as an adult they have issues with trust, intimacy and self-esteem. The person recognizes how “messed up” they are and blames their parents for the way they turned out, which in turns keeps a strain on those relationships. Yes, it may be true that the parents didn’t support their child the way they should have, but it’s very unlikely that they did this on purpose. Most parents aren’t trying to screw up their children or make their lives more difficult. There’s another way to look at this. The problem may very well be that the parents didn’t receive love and support themselves as children, so they had no idea how to provide that for their own kids. Further, they probably didn’t have the awareness to realize that they were negatively affecting their children. When you look at it from this perspective, it becomes easier to forgive. Again, it doesn’t make it OK, it just allows you to see the big picture and start to let go of some of that resentment you’re holding. Something you must understand is that a person cannot give you what they don’t have. Read that again. A person cannot give you what they don’t have, and that in no way is your fault.
What I hope you remember about forgiveness is that it’s about you and no one else. People are going to behave how they do, and you have no control over that. So, focus on the thing that you do have control over- your response. Do you want to hold grudges and negativity inside you because of someone else’s actions? Or would you rather take your power back and choose to let it go? It’s something to think about, and it takes practice just like anything else. Of course, it’s always OK to be upset about a situation, but the trick is to process it and then begin to move on, without letting it continue to affect your life. As always, be gentle with yourself if this is difficult at first; just the awareness of your own actions will go a long way in bringing more peace into your life.